The issue was our First Date. Mine and Prince's First Date that is...
We got a lot of comments. A lot of great advice and a few not-so-needed comments. But a few of these stuck out. Specifically one woman stuck out to me the most. Michele was helpful and only wished the best for us. She has no idea who we are or what we do, a lot like the other women who helped. Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of good advice. But let me share with you a few specific points that Michele made. These are her exact words.
"when you guys do spend time alone with hubby do not get jealous and go crazy thinking they r having fun without ya or they are talking behind your back type thing!!!" She is so right! I have been guilty of thinking this even when they are in the other room doing nothing but talking on the couch. But the few times that I was feeling insecure, I would just walk up and ask if I could join the conversation. Remembering that they both Love and Care for me and want nothing but the best for me and the relationships!
"You could drive yourself crazy thinking of the things that they r doing, always know that when he comes home he loves you for you and her for her and you have moments and memories that will never be taken away and so will she!!" Alone Time was difficult for both Dove and I for this exact reason. It was hard to get over, but if we had simply had this mindset when entering our relationship, it would have been so much easier to adjust to! That might also be part of the reason that Dove is having so many issues with our dating situations. But keeping in mind that both of us have the chance to do this is helpful in and of itself!
"He does not love you less because he took her on a date and came home in a great mood - sit back and look at the times he takes ya out and you guys come home in a great mood you know what I mean??" Prince has been saying the same thing for the past couple of weeks. It just never clicked until Michele said this. He loves us in different ways for who we are but all the same!
"ya'll 5 months is not that much time to get to know anyone and I just feel like if you guys were positive to each other and you really work through this then you are ging to have a best friend for life in your SW!" 5 months is not a long time... But it is all important. In the past 5 months there have been ups and downs and all-arounds. And it feels like years to me... But time is time, and we still have plenty of it!
"you have to understand too that she is not your mom - that's something that you have to work through"--"Not saying she does not have to work at that either too!! It takes a long time to get trust back from someone and she needs to work with you to show you that you can trust her again." I have had quite a few issues with my mother... And I see a lot of my mother in Dove. It has held me back from a lot of Love and Compassion. But Michele is right, she is not my mother. However, I am afraid that she might have too much of the same mind as her. That is what I am afraid of most. It will take a lot of time, healing and undestanding before I am able to fully trust Dove again.
"ALWAYS look at the positive - not only will it make you look at her differently but it willl make you look at life differently!!" Yes! Absolutely! I often find myself looking for the bad in others. Always afraid to let my guard down. There are very few people who I fully trust in this world. And it hurts the most when those few people that I finally get to trusting obliterate my Heart. That goes back to the comment above about my mother... But like she said, 'she is not my mom'.
"You guys can get over this - you don't hate each other and it's all in the past is all you gotta keep thinking. Everything can be forgiven and it has to be to go forward - you have made it this far - alot of ppl just give up but since you are here asking then it just says alot about how much you want it and it will come in time I really hope it will!! All the ladies here are pretty experienced and hell even the ones in it a long time are here learning as well!! I've been poly forever and am learning new things here!! Keep an open mind and don't knock anything till ya try it and I think you guys will be ok. I hope anyway - I'm gunning for the two of you - really sucks to be where ya are but you can do this - you both can!!" And a final cheer to top it off! We know we can and we aren't giving up!
She also mentioned a game that might help us understand each other and get to know one another better which we will try and share accordingly.
I truly appreciate the advice that Michele has given us. It should have been a given before she even mentioned any of this, but it truly helps us to hear/read it. Thank you so much Michele! And thank you to all the other ladies that wish to stay unnamed that have helped us as well!
Yes thank you Michele for the helpful info that you have given us. I'm looking forward to putting the things you have said to work for me and my loved ones.
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