Alone Time

     SnowDove and Price have been together much longer then I have known them... so with knowing that, I have felt like I should stay out of the way. Almost ever night for the past couple of days, SnowDove as asked me for alone time with Prince. This entitled her and Prince going downstairs while I sat upstairs and waited... I soon found out that I really didn't like that (both Prince and SnowDove will be surprised to learn this...). The first time it happened, I was okay; just sitting on the couch with my Tablet in hand. But the second time they asked me to wait upstairs, I was pretty upset. I'm not entirely sure why I felt this way, but as Prince always says, you choose the feelings that you have and you choose how to use them. I decided to stop them from happening in the first place. So the next time they asked, of course I said yes. But this time, it was a test for myself, by myself. What I did was occupied my mind. I busied my hands, tending to things that needed to be done, and sure enough, SnowDove came back up the stairs with her Telling Smile and I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad. I was just happy. The smile on her face told me that she had a great time and so did Prince. But I learned that I cant just sit there and let my mind wonder and think about what is going on bellow me, that's how I got the bad emotions in the first place. Ever since then, I have made sure to have something going that can occupy my mind enough so that there is no bad feelings from me.

     I began to see that SnowDove was asking for a lot of time alone with Prince. And I didn't see that she was being quite fair. The other night, Prince asked for time alone with SnowDove and of course I complied, I don't think I could say 'no' even if I wanted to. But I made a deal this time; If I said yes, he had to come back up for some couch time with just me. He accepted and went downstairs. A little over an hour later, SnowDove came up. And boy was I Pissed! The Nerve of Prince for standing me up! The Fucker was downstairs already asleep. That has always been one of my worst fears; being forgotten. Bad memories from my childhood come back when I think of being forgotten. And I fear being forgotten by Prince and SnowDove. Like they would have gotten everything they wanted from me and just move on. Bad feelings grew again and instead of letting them out and possibly hurting Prince and SnowDove, I did what I always do when I'm upset. I Wrote. A lot. A good three pages worth of angry words. The Writing seems to help; It's become my coping mechanism with high emotions. SnowDove and Prince were both downstairs asleep, and I needed time alone. By the end of my Writing Spree, I was still pretty upset. I was angry at SnowDove; I was angry at Prince. Sitting on the couch, I can't see the stairs, but I can hear them when somebody is ascending or descending. I could feel my face turning red with frustration when I heard somebody coming up the stairs. All I wanted was some time alone. Angry tears were threatening to fall from my eyes. It was SnowDove. She had come up because she recognized that I wasn't in bed anymore. She said my name once and turned to walk around the couches to be closer to me. I thought about stopping her, but the concern in her voice told me otherwise. Just as long as she didn't turn on the damn light... She knelt down in front of me and i decided that she needed to know. So I told her everything. Calmly, I explained my feelings of that night and how annoyed I was with her. A very good talk. When i express a bad feeling or a concern, I'm looking for a possible solution. And she gave that to me. She told me to test her by asking to take Prince downstairs without her. I could see all sorts of issues with this. How was I going to do this without hurting her or causing an issue. Then I had an idea.
     The very next day, I asked to take Prince downstairs. This was Unexpected seeing as it was only the night before that she asked me to test her (I'm good at Unexpected). We were having this conversation over Prince, who was sitting between us, on Facebook. She said that she was ready right off the bat, but I wanted to be sure. I was pleasantly surprised by the emotions she showed; there was no anger or irritation that I could see. I agreed to a timed hour and that's just how it went.
     I took Prince downstairs and we talked. Just talked. A wonderful conversation. A few sweet kisses and a couple soft touches, but it was nothing too exciting... An hour later, the timer went off and I invited SnowDove to join us downstairs. When we asked her if she wanted to know what we did, she said yes. And that's just what we did. We told her that we talked and kissed. All with our clothes on...
     Another "test" is soon to come.